Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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