remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My liver just had a heart attack.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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