so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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