You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
