I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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