I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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