Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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