Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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