I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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