Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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