I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
