GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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