Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize