based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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