I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
