I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
