so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
