Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I am morally bankrupt
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
