You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize