What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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