i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
