I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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