If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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