I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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