Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize