My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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