Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
