How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
