so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
