I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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