I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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