PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My liver just had a heart attack.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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