It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize