Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
