his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
