so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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