im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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