You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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