How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
