mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
