Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
