Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
