And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
