so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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