how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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