If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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