i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
