Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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