It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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