just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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