Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
