Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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