I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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