she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
