peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
