my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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