Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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