watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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