Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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