Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
