Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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