Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
