I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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