I think i peed on brittanys purse
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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