He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
