I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
