There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
